Eight is Enough

• Nationals 8, Rockies 0

There is a certain segment of the Nats fan base inclined to complain about RFK. It's old, it's dank, there are no latte bars or prime rib vendors. For them I have a modest proposal. The Nats should play their home games from now til 2008 at Coors Field. Granted, that might cut down on attendance, which would make a TV deal even more crucial. But somehow I don't think the Nats hitters would complain.

The offense erupted for 8 runs on 13 hits, and Tony Armas, Jr. and the bullpen combined to produce the first shutout of the season at Coors Field. With John "Big Nasty" Patterson on deck for the series finale, a sweep looks eminently doable.

Go to Church!

Apparently Frank is having trouble fitting 5 outfielders into 3 holes. (There's an Aristocrats joke in there somewhere, but we'll do that later.) Guillen is a fixture in right, and B. Dub has to play somewhere if he's batting leadoff, leaving one spot for Wilkie, Church and Preston "F****n" Wilson. Let's look at the contenders:

Brad Wilkerson- Wilkie's great, he fields, he gets on base and he plays hurt. He also strikes out more often than Watson and I at happy hour. Even so, a healthy Wilkie is the obvious choice. But his shoulder's banged up and he's got that whole forearm nerve thing. So he gets a seat on the bench and a rehab assignment at Club Med.

Preston Wilson - Said Frank, "We traded for him for a reason. We felt like his bat would make us a better ball club." Also said Frank, "the numbers speak for themselves." If the true test of a first-rate mind is the ability to hold two contradictory ideas at the same time, Frank's Mensa membership is long overdue. Maybe we can just leave Preston at Denver Int'l, like lost luggage.

Ryan Church - Is it possible Ryan knocked up Frank's granddaughter? Because he definitely did something to end up in the doghouse. Remember when people seriously considered Church a candidate for N.L. rookie of the year? Sure, he sucks as a pinch hitter, but he's still batting .295 with an .836 OPS. Play the kid!