July 19, 2005

RFK Etiquette

To celebrate the return of the Triple Play crew to RFK (and since there isn't much to celebrate in the Nats return to RFK so far) I've compiled a brief list of Do's & Don't's for genuine DC baseball fans:


  • Stand and remove your hat during the National Anthem (this includes women & children);
  • Cheer the announced Nats starting lineup (regardless of your feelings about a certain middle infielder);
  • Wait until half inning breaks to leave your seat (you make a better door than a window);
  • Heckle the Coors Light guys... it's the only way they'll learn;
  • Watch for flying balls, bats, peanuts, t-shirts and small children;
  • Try the chorizo, it's outstanding;
  • Cheer for the ground crew, the trainer, the backup assistant clubhouse attendant, or anyone else whose efforts are rarely publicly acknowledged;
  • Flirt with your neighbors, baseball is about making new friends;
  • Take bets on the Dollar Derby, the Beer Race, the Turkey Hill Tub Shuffle, or any other in-game entertainment. Trust us, that's what they're for;
  • Stand and stretch during the 7th inning stretch. We want to get a better look at you;
  • Substitute "Nationals" for "home team" during "Take Me Out to the Ballgame";
  • Cheer for the recovery of any injured player (yes, even Yankees);
  • Exit calmly but quickly after the game, the Triple Play crew has things to do.


  • Emphasize the "O" in "O, say can you see...". This is not Baltimore.
  • Screw up our National Anthem. If you're going to sing it in public, learn the words.
  • Buy from the Coors Light guys, it only encourages them.
  • Try the pizza. You've been warned.
  • Heckle the Nat Pack, they're just kids... and those t-shirt cannons hurt.
  • Cheer anything positive that happens to the opposing team. Except maybe the birth of a child, and then only if it's ugly.
  • Spray pesticides on Screech. Bald eagles are a threatened species.
  • Swear, there are little kids around. (I'm working on this one.)
  • Start fights. The Triple Play crew does not want to have to hang around and provide your description to the cops.
  • Forget to tip the beer guys. You heathens.

I'm sure my colleagues will fill in any I've missed. Enjoy the game!

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