September 27, 2005

A Time for Spoilers

  • Nationals 4, Marlins 0

Say it with me people... Carrasco! It rolls smoothly off the tongue. I'm still not sure he's worth resigning to a multi-year guaranteed contract next season, but I have no problem with riding him till he collapses this year. El Matador's line as a starter: 1-0, 21.2 IP, 0.83 ERA, 23 K, 11 BB. But you say you need offense to go along with 6 shutout innings from your starter? No problem, we've got Goooz!

Cristian went 3-4 at the dish, drove in 3 of the Nats 4 runs, and raised his season average to .215. My boy Goooz is hitting .371 for September, with a .828 OPS. All of a sudden, an infield of Johnson, Vidro, Guzman and Zimmerman ain't looking so bad for next year.

An Open Letter to A.J. Burnett

Dear Allan,

Thank you for your interest in the Washington Nationals. We understand that you are one of the top free agent pitchers available this offseason. However, as much as we admire your 753 career strikeouts and your impressive 3.73 ERA we are unwilling to offer you a position with the club.

Our scouts have noticed that you have an unhealthy tendency to walk batters, almost 80 this season alone. Cap'n Hook does not approve of pitchers who issue walks. And while we're on the subject, Cap'n Hook does not approve of pitchers who bitch and moan to the media about how the manager never says anything nice to them. If you think Jack McKeon is a mean old man, you do not want to meet Frank Robinson.

We are also of the opinion that a guy with a 98 mph fastball ought to be able to do better than a 49-50 career record. And frankly, you're something of a softy, having missed games almost every year with various arm injuries. Livo and Stubby do not approve of softies, especially if they're scheduled to be the highest paid pitcher on the staff. Frankly, if we wanted another hospital case, we'd resign Tony Armas Jr.

In conclusion, we at Nats Triple Play wish you the best this offseason, and suggest you look slightly north of DC, where you will undoubtedly be outrageously overpaid, and no one will be the least bit surprised when your arm falls off in June.

Best Wishes,


P.S. If Jim Bowden is still the G.M. this offseason, we look forward to seeing you and your $60 million contract in spring training.

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