Revenge of Teh 'Roids

Frankly, my honest reaction to this tidbit is: "I hope he sold to Jaromir Jagr."

Beyond that, we already knew that certain Nats had been implicated in PED use by the Mitchell Report and other sources. Since they weren't all buying from Radomski, it stands to reason there had to be somebody else. Probably multiple somebodies. If this stellar human being turns out to be one of those people, ok then. Wake me up if someone who is A) still a Nat, and B) not terrible, is implicated.

On the other hand, if Nook Logan, in addition to being the poster child for all-glove, no-bat comically bad baserunners, turns out to be the PED-purchasing Nat in question, well then I'm just done with him.

Speaking of enhanced performances, (Like the smooth transition?) click thru here to vote Zimm onto the All-Star team. You can safely ignore last night. Everyone knows that ¡Livan! is Ryan's kryptonite.

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures?

Aside from a new GM, a legitimate leadoff hitter and a major league caliber pitching staff, what are the 2008 Washington Nationals' two greatest needs? An impact, middle-of-the-order bat and a publicity magnet to put butts in the brand new seats. Right? Do you think Frank Thomas is the answer? Nope, sorry, thanks for playing, go Build-a-Screech. The solution is painfully, and I emphasize painfully, obvious.

Barry Lamar Bonds.

Economy in the tank? Invest in Bonds.

The man sometime NTP commenter David Chalk calls the G-POPE (Greatest Player On Planet Earth, yeah I had to look it up too.) As regular readers of this here internet writin' place know, it pains me to agree with David about anything. But when you're drowning, it's kinda silly to hold out for a particular make and model of flotation device. And folks, right now the Nats are circling the drain.

Last year, at age 42, Bonds put up a .276/.480!/.565 line with 28 dingers. He makes Nick "The Walking Stick" Johnson look like Juan Pierre, combined with Wily Mo Pena-power. And unlike Wily Mo, he actually makes contact. Are you going to tell me that wouldn't look good in the heart of a Washington lineup? You don't like:

• Guzman
• Johnson
• Zimmerman
• Bonds
• Milledge
• Kearns
• LoStrada
• BelLopez

better than the in-house alternatives? Bonds does three things very well: takes walks, hits long balls and puts butts in the seats. Coincidentally, those three things have been conspicuously absent from your 2008 Nats.

Is this a perfect solution? No. Among other things, I doubt Barry is in game shape today. So there'd be a delayed payoff. Some backlash from the signing is inevitable, though I'd bet Dave's trust fund that the number of people turning in their season tickets would be dwarfed by the number of people turning out to see the improved, and much more watchable, Washington lineup. Because this is the NL, signing Bonds would inevitably cost guys like Pena and Dukes at-bats. But let's be honest, getting Wily Mo 500 ABs was a goal, not the goal. Barry's not going to play 120 games in LF. If Pena or Dukes need additional starts to stay "sharp", platoon them with Kearns, who ain't exactly setting the batters box ablaze anyhow or Milledge, who seems to be in need of a defensive sub sometimes.

It gives me no particular joy to advocate this signing. I'm in the camp of those firmly convinced that Barry Bonds knowingly used PEDs and sacrificed his legacy in pursuit of the home run record. Though hell, with Paulie LoDown on the team, who are we to go casting stones? May as well milk the last few points of OPS+ out of Bonds and make the summer a little easier to endure. After all, we know money isn't the issue!

No Sleep Till Brooklyn Queens

Big series coming up. Think Radomski still has the keys to the visitors clubhouse at Shea?

Stuck in the Middle With Who?

"The Boone" does not abide. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

Bret Boone... blah, blah, bah... struggles with alcoholism... yada, yada, yada... life back on track... (good for him)... refers to himself in the third person... WHA?

Via DC Sports Bog: "Don't call me Bret. Call me 'The Boone.'''

Oh. Hell. No.

Maybe, maybe you can get away with that as a 32 year-old All Star, slugging 37 dingers, knocking in 141 and possibly using something a wee bit more performance-enhancing than a case of Milwaukee's Best. You cannot pull that as a 38 year-old struggling to make a middling team as a back-up second baseman.

Just so we're clear, you're name is Bret. Or Toast, whichever you prefer. But you cannot be "The Boone" because we already had two other Boones before you got here, and we'll still have them when you're gone.

News You Can Lose

We've got two starting first baseman?! Wily Mo can hit BP fastballs into Low Earth Orbit!! Bret Boone somehow hopped the fence into big league camp!?! Ryan Zimmerman remains unsigned?!?! Dogs and Cats living together!?!! Mass hysteria!!!!

Welcome to a Very Special Sunday Edition of Stories That Have Been Done to Death. In honor of the presidential campaign season we're going to do this John McLaughlin-style. I'm going to tell you what the issues are, then I'm going to tell you the answers. I may pretend to listen to your input, but I'm actually mentally doing the grocery list. Away we go!

Issue #1: Covering your bases. Yes, Nick Johnson and Dmitri Young both play first base, and only first base. Yes, only one of them can "start." Yes, they're both making roughly $5M a year for the next 2-3 years. So what? NJ is the younger, better all-around player, and it ain't close. But he's as durable as a Faberge Egg. If JimBo trades Meat Hook and Nicky's leg falls off, he looks like an idiot.

DaMeat is the reigning NL Comeback Player, a certified PCI (Positive Clubhouse Influence) and the Designated Tutor for troubled phenom Elijah Dukes. But if JimBo trades Nick and Dmitri dips from his 2007 line (320/378/491, 129 OPS+) to something closer to his career averages (292/349/477, 114 OPS+) while NJ puts up an average Johnsonite season (125 OPS+) JimBo looks like an idiot. Answer: Both stay, Nick starts if healthy and Dmitri has extra time to teach Elijah the finer points of Baseball Sudoku.

Issue #2: New Model Outfield. Is Pena-Milledge-Dukes the wave of the future? Whither Kearns? See issue one above. Four quality players for three spots is a goal, not a concern. Like Nicky, Austin's defense gives him the edge, at least at the outset. Elijah gets time to acclimated to a new team and a new league, without the weight of expectations. Who would you rather see coming off the bench as a PH/defensive sub, Dukes or Langerhans? Answer: 'Nuff said. Wily Mo Power, the 'Edge and Kearns get the start.

Issue #3: Methuselah on the infield. Bret Boone made a surprise leap to the big league camp. Why? Because he didn't totally suck and if you're honestly evaluating a 38 year-old for a roster spot it makes more sense to do it against major league caliber competition. The big loser here is not Felipe Lopez (aka the only SS in camp not named Guzman.) The big loser is Ronnie Belliard. If Boone performs well, Belly is trade bait. Second biggest loser is Willie Harris, but he wasn't making the cut anyway. Answer: FLop at second, Guzie at short, Belliard off the bench, B. Boone off the roster.

Issue #4: 3, 2, 1... Contract. No 6-year deal forthcoming for the Fielding Dutchman? Cap. Pun. runs the numbers. Here's the dirty little secret: Zimm ain't that good yet. His stats declined noticeably in his second full season, and say what you want about park factors, lineup protection and the value of his glove, but Ryan is no David Wright. Not yet anyway. Do you really want to be handing out 4 or 5 year extensions to a slugger rehabbing a wrist injury? Down that road lies Scott Rolen. Answer: Calm down. Before Zimm hits arbitration next spring he'll have a deal that buys out a least one year of free agency.

Bye-bye.

Boone-doggle

I swear we've been here before. As a rule, minor league signings, even those that include an invite to Spring Training, don't rate a post of their own. But this is different, this is a family affair. Bret Boone, of the previously hired Bob & Aaron Boone bloodline, agreed to a minor league contract today.

Just to refresh your memory Bret Boone will be 39 in April, hasn't played in the majors since 2005 and hasn't played well since 2003 (what I like to call the "Pre-Testing Era".) To top it all off, he doesn't seem interested in A) a utility role or B) a minor league assignment. Yes folks, this move has success written all over it.

It's never a bad thing to see your GM attempting to stockpile useful assets for trade, but Bret Boone stretches the definition of useful asset beyond recognition. I suppose in the best-case scenario Bret might play well enough to earn the backup 2B job, freeing the team up to trade the more valuable FLop or Belliard, and in the worst-case he just gets his walking papers at the end of March. But I just can't shake the feeling that he wouldn't be in camp today if his name was Bret Balaban, y'know?

Capitol Punishment helpfully provides a handy list of remaining unsigned Boones (though he mysteriously neglects poor, dead Boone Carlyle from Lost. Maybe it's all part of the conspiracy!) Note: NTP heartily endorses the signing of Coach Herman Boone.

Go West, Young Nook

From that hallowed baseball publication the L.A. Daily News comes a brief note that the Dodgers have signed former Nationals CF Nook Logan to a minor league deal. Logan owns the distinction of being MLB's most unlikely 'roider.

Nice little bit of symetry with Paulie the Pusher coming to DC and Nook heading out to L.A., though given the state of the Dodger outfield Nook is most likely to spend 2008 toiling for the AAA Las Vegas 51s. So if you happen to be out west getting your gamble on, stop by and say "Stop overrunning third base, jackass!"

Hmm, Something's Missing...

Something was absent from today's much anticipated statement by Nationals Catcher/Pusherman Paul Lo Duca. Something besides an admission of guilt, that is. As a piece of public relations the statement was pitch perfect. Stan Kasten himself couldn't have been more opaque. In fact, Capitol Punishment saw fit to run Paul's opus through the vaunted Stan-speak translator. But the duplicity isn't really what bothers me. I wasn't holding my breath waiting for Paulie Lo Down to pop out of his spider hole and apologize for using PEDs and running an amateur drug ring out of a few major league clubhouses.

What I would like to have heard is something like this:

I want to apologize to my family, all my fans and to the entire baseball community for being too stupid to pay cash for my drugs, which might have helped me avoid a starring role in Senator Mitchell's cursory, half-assed examination of baseball's "steroid problem." I grant you that most baseball players are not frustrated closet astrophysicists, but catchers are supposed to be more cerebral than the average bat-toting Neanderthal and there is no doubt that I have disgraced the august backstop fraternity. Except for Piazza, that guy's dumber than a bag of hammers.

I recognize the importance of my role in calling a game and handling a pitching staff and I'm frankly mortified that I wasn't bright enough to realize that writing personal notes to my dealer on team stationary is only slightly dumber than hiding national security information in a hollowed out pumpkin. I'd also like to take this opportunity to extend a big middle finger to Sprint, because if my cell phone hadn't been TOAST! I would never have written anything down in the first place.

I am fully committed to being the best player and person I can be, on and off the field, for the Washington Nationals and the entire baseball community. So that I can avoid creating further distractions, I respectfully decline to communicate using anything other than a system of clicks and whistles from this day forward.

Catch as Catch Can

First, Humberto Cota and Chad Moeller. Then Paulie LoDown. Now Johnny Estrada (maybe). How in the name of sweet, fancy Moses have Josh Paul and Kelly Stinnett not gotten in on this deal?

In their brief history the Washington Nationals have employed a cavalcade of truly awful backup backstops. With Brian Schneider entrenched in the top spot, perennial blogger obsession Gary "PB" Bennett started the trend. Matt "Stop or I'll Shoot" LeCroy popped in to provide some career lowlights, splitting time with "Where's Wiki" Gonzalez and Brandon "Remember Me?" Harper . Robert Fick was a recurring character until he found his true calling as Dmitri Young's caddy. Even Mike "Girl Burner" DiFelice had a spring cameo.

2007 brought a welcome measure of stability, with Officer Schneider and Rule 5 sensation "Come to Jesus" Flores splitting time behind the plate. But Brian's off to wake up in the city that never sleeps and Flores looks increasingly likely to wake up on Opening Day in Columbus, Ohio Harrisburg, PA. That would leave the Nats with a LoDuca/Estrada platoon, surely one of the most belligerent, defensively challenged catching tandems in recent memory. All for the low, low price of $6.25M and a new MLB record low for caught-stealing percentage.

At least they'll both be gone before 2009.

The Smoking Gun

What did Stan Kasten know and when did he know it? President Stan took time out from his busy schedule manufacturing life-size, functioning Scott Boras voodoo dolls to make some generic comments about the Mitchell Report. Kasten declined to specifically address questions about catcher Paul Lo Duca, but he did say that clubs were not given advance notice of players to be named in the Report. Lo Duca was signed to a 1-year, $5M deal just days before George Mitchell made his findings public.

I have no problem believing that the Nats didn't get a sneak peek at the Report. What I find harder to believe is that Stan Kasten, savvy baseball man that he is, had no idea that Lo Duca might be a candidate for inclusion in the report. Kasten, Jim Bowden, Mike Rizzo and Bob Boone have decades of combined major league experience. One thing the Mitchell Report made abundantly clear is that baseball's front offices were not oblivious to steroid use in their clubhouses. They may not have appreciated the depth or breadth of the issue, but particularly with respect to Lo Duca, steroid use was factored into the cost of doing business. (Mitchell Report, pp 208-211.)

In October 2003 the Dodgers management was (at least internally) openly discussing the impact of steroids on Lo Duca's trade value:

Steroids aren’t being used anymore on him. Big part of this.
Might have some value to trade . . . Florida might have interest. . . . Got off the steroids . . . Took away a lot of hard line drives.. . . Can get comparable value back would consider trading. . . . If you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year. That’s his makeup. Comes to play.

At that same time Mike Rizzo was the Scouting Director for the Dodgers NL West rivals the Arizona Diamondbacks, a position he would remain in until coming to Washington. Jim Bowden's ten years as GM of the Cincinnati Reds was coming to an end and Stan Kasten was concluding his immensely successful tenure as President of the Atlanta Braves franchise. Bob Boone, a former special adviser to Bowden in Cincinnati, had two sons playing in the major leagues. I doubt that any of these men heard anything specific about Paul Lo Duca's alleged steroid use, but they were all in position to hear rumors, allegations and insinuations of steroid use from players and clubhouse personnel who would know.

All of which leaves us where? We know that Lo Duca's contract was finalized and his introductory press conference scheduled just days before the release of the Mitchell Report, along with contracts for players like Andy Pettite and Eric Gange, and at the same time Miguel Tejada was traded Baltimore to Houston. We can be fairly sure that Lo Duca's name was not leaked, since it did not appear in any of the pre-report speculation. We know that Lo Duca has made no public response to the Report, though he has apparently spoken to the Nats.

According to Bill Ladson we also know that Kasten "wished... he had known about the allegations during [Lo Duca's] contract negotiations" though he doesn't say what, if anything the team would have done differently. Finally, and sadly we know that in all probability there is nothing to be done about it now, as Lo Duca's contract is guaranteed and unlikely to be voidable on the basis of mere allegations of past steroid use.

Technically Speaking

Speaking of massive failures in vetting, Elijah Dukes is back in the news for all the wrong reasons. If you want to try to put a positive spin on things, A) this all went down before he became a National, so it was probably factored into the "one strike and you're out" discussion, and B) maybe this shows that the death threats Elijah sent to his ex-wife weren't personal, they're just the way he ends every relationship. Ye Gods.

UPDATE: The latest domestic violence charge filed against Dukes was dismissed this morning when the complainant failed to appear in court.

Suddenly the serial acquisition of Garrett Guzman, Willie Harris and Rob Mackowiak begins to make a little more sense. At this point Dukes just cannot be considered a sure-fire contributor to the 2008 Nationals. I miss Glenn Gibson a little more each day. As always, Bugs & Cranks is good for a slightly more sympathetic take (though David, I'm pretty sure you can still send text messages from the DR to the good ol' US of A, particularly if you're on a family share plan. And Elijah has to be on a family share plan, right?)

Win the Battle, Lose the Game

Score this one Giants 3, Nationals 2, Forces of Darkness 0. You're never going to see an uglier 1-1 tie ballgame until they let Rhesus monkeys wear major league uniforms. But rookie John Lannan was what we'll call "effectively ineffective" going 7 innings and allowing just 1 run despite coughing up 8 hits and surrendering 5 walks. The kid buckled down when it mattered most, holding "He Who Shall Not be Named" to an 0-3, 1 BB, 1 K evening. Unfortunately Lannan wasn't around to pitch the 10th and 11th, when Chad Cordero, Ray King and Luis Ayala combined to make Lannan look like a latter-day Walter Johnson.

For those who missed the late game (stupid distant West Coast) Misschatter live-blogged the whole thing. Capitol Punishment has a concise recap of the extra inning action, but I'm not in the mood to lay too much of the blame at the feet of our relief corps. Except for Ray King, of course, and he can't see his feet anyway. If that non-inning of work didn't destroy whatever trade value the Burger King has left, then I should be signed, passed through waivers and dealt for an A-baller.

On the other hand, Ray wouldn't have been out there if the Chief had nailed down the save in the bottom of the 10th. Chad wouldn't have blown the save if FLop had just a little more range up the middle. But FLop wouldn't be playing SS if Cristian Guzman hadn't broken his thumb on Josh Barfield's stupid, oversized head. So, you see, the absence of GUZMANIA! is undeniably responsible for the extra inning loss, and the end of our shiny, happy 6-game winning streak. I told you people this would happen.

PS - I know Da Meat Hook had a nice hit, but nobody should get credit for a 309 foot home run, even if it was a 40 foot high screaming liner of a 309 foot home run. Stupid ballpark.