February 29, 2008

The Double Eagle!

Eat your heart out, Richard Simmons.

Every once in a while, almost by accident, actual news leaks out of Spring Training. Such was the case this afternoon in Viera. In the midst of an entirely forgettable 4-1 loss to the Miami Swordfish, or whatever the hell they're going to be called when they play in the wreckage of the Orange Bowl, absorbing the noxious remnants of The U, Barry Svrluga dropped some knowledge on us: Screech has a twin! A veritable Double Eagle!

Now this raises all sorts of interesting questions. Was Screech II, who apparently makes a year-round home in Central Florida, given up at laying and raised by an unholy union of
Billy the Marlin and Raymond? Is he an evil twin, the kind that trips little children and gives fans "the wing" when his handler isn't looking?

Most importantly, did
Screech's Best Friend know about this and keep it from the rest of us? What did SBF know and when did he know it? And if he didn't know, can he really be Screech's best friend? I expect Congressmen Waxman and Davis to be all over this any minute now.


Screech's Best Friend said...

SBF knows more about Screech that anyone may ever know--or appreciate. Although, if called to tesitfy in a Congressional Hearing--I will plead The 5th--The African Queen, too.
That's written while chuckling the entire time.

Nate said...

That may be, but I'll withhold judgment until we get Andy Pettite's version of events.