Every once in a while, almost by accident, actual news leaks out of Spring Training. Such was the case this afternoon in Viera. In the midst of an entirely forgettable 4-1 loss to the Miami Swordfish, or whatever the hell they're going to be called when they play in the wreckage of the Orange Bowl, absorbing the noxious remnants of The U, Barry Svrluga dropped some knowledge on us: Screech has a twin! A veritable Double Eagle!
Now this raises all sorts of interesting questions. Was Screech II, who apparently makes a year-round home in Central Florida, given up at laying and raised by an unholy union of Billy the Marlin and Raymond? Is he an evil twin, the kind that trips little children and gives fans "the wing" when his handler isn't looking?
Most importantly, did Screech's Best Friend know about this and keep it from the rest of us? What did SBF know and when did he know it? And if he didn't know, can he really be Screech's best friend? I expect Congressmen Waxman and Davis to be all over this any minute now.