Must... Grasp... Straws...

Fresh off a battery-recharging trip to Las Vegas (Proposed motto: "4 Days Without a Transvestite Hooking Mugging on Fremont Street!") I return to Nat-land with a renewed sense of optimism. It's amazing what not watching or reading about the games for 4 days will do for you. Try it, see if you don't feel better. Sure, I know that the guys got shellacked in St. Louis and wasted a great performance by ¡Livan! but I didn't see it or listen to it, so it's not real to me.

Instead I've opted to look on the bright side. Jose Vidro is healthy and hitting the ball well, squelching a potentially ugly situation at second base. Nick Johnson is healthy, (knock on every piece of wood in sight) hitting the ball well and getting on base at his usual All-Star clip. John Patterson (pre-DL version) has looked primed to build on 2005, Livan is eating his way into form and Tony Armas seems suspiciously like a decent #4 starter. Add to that John Rauch and Chad Cordero anchoring opposite ends of the bullpen, and hey, we're still better than the Marlins!

Unfortunately that's where the bright side dims. Our best power hitter really ought to be trade bait, our setup man lost a Mexican standoff with his elbow ligaments, our newly acquired free agents ought to be paid in Confederate money, and the highlight of the week is the return of Zach Day (Now if we can dig up J.J. Davis we can pretend Preston Wilson never happened!)

But enough of that. April is the cruelest month, and it's over. May brings us one month closer to a new stadium, new ownership, a new team president, GM and manager, new rookies and the end of the "Inaugural Season" graphics at RFK. Happy May Day to legals and illegals alike! (Speaking of which, has anyone checked to see if maybe Ramon Ortiz's visa is about to expire? Just kidding, he's the pitching equivalent of Cristian Guzman, so he's my boy. RAMONIUM! anyone?)