August 28, 2006

Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes

A top to bottom Nats injury round-up:

  • HEAD - That'd be Nick Johnson, who suffered a cervical strain following a collision with Braves thug OF Jeff Francoeur. I've just about had it with the French. Frankly, we've been carrying these cheese-eating surrender monkeys since the late 18th century, and this is the last straw. Freedom Fries for all! And while we're on the topic, why is it that "cervical" refers both to the spine, and to the ummm... well... you know? Caused me several seconds of intense confusion, that did.

  • SHOULDERS - Poor Alex Escobar will be having surgery to repair a torn labrum in the right shoulder he dislocated in the ninth inning of Friday night's game against the aforementioned punk*ss "Braves." Again, oddly enough, Jeff Francoeur was right in the middle of the action. Throwing behind runners, Jeff? Is that how this is gonna have to be? Ayight then. It's on like Donkey Kong, Frenchie. Also, Triple-A 1B Larry Broadway suffered a seperated shoulder a few days earlier, effectively ending his season as well. Coincidence? I think not. Not until we know for certain where Jeff Francoeur was at the time.

  • KNEES - Not much to report in the significant knee injury category, but Jose Vidro's still got knees, and they still suck. I think it's safe to say that Jose Vidro's knees have gone completely Snakes on a Plane, taking roughly $15M of our payroll money with them. And, because some has to say it, "That's it. I have had it! I am tired of Jose Vidro's muthafeckin' knees on this muthafeckin team!!1!1!!"

  • TOES - Yep, our closer was felled by inferior foot care. Check out NIH's harrowing account of one man's battle with the enemy (toenail) within. Can't wait to see what personal insights the Natmosphere's resident injury guru has to share when Chris Schroeder develops a goiter and begins talking like Rue McClanahan.

No comments: