April 19, 2007

Why We Fight

Trivia Time

Quick quiz: What's worse than being the worst team in baseball? Losing to the worst team in baseball.

Follow-up Q:
What's worse than losing to the worst team in baseball? Losing to the worst team in baseball in extra innings.

Lightning Round:
Which of these two teams is the worst team in baseball? OK, so the answer is actually KC, but where's the fun in that?

Bonus question:
Why did the guy working the grill at the Dominic's behind Sec. 313 laugh when Dave ordered the half-smoke on Tuesday night? Feel free to come up with your own answer to that one and post it in the comments section. Best answer wins a voucher for one free grilled hotdog.*

Game Notes
  • Judging by the composition of the crowd at the end of the 13th inning, Phillies fans do not have homes, meaningful jobs or families that miss them. To compensate, they have an abundance of Federline-esque facial hair styles.
  • Until someone comes up with something better, I'm dubbing Michael Restovich "Raskolnikov". Why? Because it's been colder than Siberia in the outfield these last few games. Oh yeah? Think you can do better?
  • In honor of Felipe Lopez's 2nd stolen base of the season, I'm inaugurating "FLoperation: 50". To date, "FLoperation: 50" is 1/25 complete with 147 games to go. It's in the bag.
  • Jason "Harvey" Bergmann is our second best starting pitcher. Let that sink in. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit? It's ok, that's natural.
Zen and the Art of the Double Switch

As anyone who follows this team even casually knows, the marking theme for the 2007 Nats is "Pledge Your Allegiance". Not the most original tag line, but it does evoke some of key themes for the season. It implies shared sacrifice and commitment (to getting good seats in '08). The more I think about it though, the more I appreciate an earlier marketing campaign; Nationals Baseball - Let Yourself Go. Sure, at the time it seemed cheesy and sort of slapdash, just like everything else about the organization. But it the fullness of time it takes on a sort of unintentional brilliance.

To really enjoy this season we're going to have to let ourselves go. The outfield bleachers should be replaced with meditation mats. The rally music swapped out for sedate orchestral pieces and the muted sounds of flowing water. The 2007 Washington Nationals will be an exercise in baseball Zen. Do not desire, just let yourself go. OOOOOMMM...

For you see, if you desire a win against the Phils, you're likely to be upset when your "closer" allows back to back singles to open the 9th and doesn't even attempt to strike anyone out until after the tying run scores on an infield groundout. If instead you merely experience the game you will delight in the cosmic justice that flows naturally from every Philthydelphia loss. OOOOOMMM...

* Offer not valid in the continental United States, Canada, Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam, Stuttgart and Baltimore. Hot dog may or may not contain dog. Void where prohibited or allowed by law. Nor purchase necessary to enter, but if you slip me a sawbuck your odds of winning improve dramatically. All rights (except the right to a late term abortion) reserved.


Chris Needham said...

OK, so no late-term abortions, but do I still get a miniature American flag?

Nate said...

Only if President Kang wins. Pledge Your Allegiance!

Basil said...

Great post. I always knew there was something wortwhile about that slogan, but it was obscured by the bombastic emphasis on "GO!"

'Twas mismarketed as a command, rather than a credo.