Mike Rizzo's To-Do List

1. Attend introductory press conference. Blink F-U-E-D-E-S in morse code for the camera.

2. Purchase leather pants, Segway.

3. Relocate Dominican Baseball Academy to Montego Bay, Jamaica. Spend next two months establishing "international presence" in Barbados, Ibiza, Phuket, Tahiti.

4. Promote Moose Stubing to Special Assistant to the GM for Silly Names. Apologize for displacing Squire Galbreath.

5. Lay healing hands on Jordan Zimmermann.