Lots to Talk About, Nothing to Say

I don't write about the Nats much anymore because I don't watch the games anymore. I don't watch the games anymore because I don't need to watch to know what's going to happen. Just over a month in, the patterns are pretty well established.

• The hitting will fall somewhere on this spectrum: mediocre<------------>not quite good enough
  
• The defense will turn in a few gems, which only serve to highlight the more frequent Keystone Kops moments.
• The starting pitching will vary wildly from night to night; Zimmermann and Martis are most likely to impress, Cabrera is almost guaranteed to fail spectacularly and Lannan gets points for going on TV with those eyebrows.
• The bullpen, as a unit, will be an unmitigated disaster regardless of its individual components. This is beginning to take on the quality of Natural Law. Pitching in relief for the Nationals leads quickly and inexorably to career death. See, e.g. Cordero, Rauch, Ayala, Majewski, Rivera, etc.

Meanwhile, Lastings Milledge has done nothing to suggest his quick demotion to Syracuse was ill-conceived, but might still be the Nats All-Star thanks to Red Sox Nation and justified antipathy of the Nats dwindling fanbase. Ryan Zimmerman anyone?

Milledge is in AAA, but Adam Dunn plays rightfield on a semi-regular basis and the Nats still seem have too few ABs for all their outfielders. How does this happen?

Owen Wilson has apparently signed on to play a Nats relief pitcher in a not-yet-filmed but sure to be terrible romantic comedy. It seems more than a little unfair that he didn't have to compete with the other half dozen guys pretending to be Nats relief pitchers.

Finally, come June the Nats must draft pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg, sign him to the richest amateur contract in history and resign themselves to the fact that he will be a colossal disappointment. Of course, should they opt not to do this, it will be another sign of the organization's comical incompetence. If that doesn't just sum up life as a Nats fan...