The New Coke of Mascots

Full disclosure: I did not hate Screech v. 1.0. Either of them. Yes, he (or, I suppose, she) did look quite a bit more like a big chicken than a bird of prey. Yes, the signature pelvic thrust move was a little odd for a kid-magnet. But all-in-all, Screech was friendly, non-threatening and mildly entertaining. Very much like the 2005-2008 Washington Nationals.

I'll stipulate that I don't know much about mascot design and construction. But I know what I don't like, and I don't like this:

The team has replaced our dingy, roly-poly, hip thrusting, creepy-cute chicken with this vacant, gangly refugee from eagle fat camp.

Suffice it to say, this foolishness would not have been allowed on a Jim Bowden team. (Be forewarned, I plan on running that "joke" into the ground.) I have vague recollections that Screech was meant to grow up over the course of his time with the team. If that's true, and the original model was "Lil' Screech", this must be "Teenage Eating Disorder Screech."

In case I look forward to "Post-College Back in His Parents' Nest Screech", "Mid-Life Crisis Screech (w/ new chick)", and "Grandpa Screech" feebly flapping around trying to keep those dang kids off his lawn, by cracky.

Photo of New Screech courtesy of WaPo's DC Sports Bog and Dan Steinberg, who but for the vegetarianism and baldness, is the guy all DC sports bloggers secretly aspire to be.